31 Mar Male Domestic Violence Survivor Story: Lucas
Male Domestic Violence Survivor Story: Lucas
I was initially blown away by my ex-wife. She was attractive, polite and mild-mannered, and successful. She was also Southeast Asian and would cook amazing Asian food. Six months into the relationship she said she’d be more comfortable if we were married. Things were going so well that I thought, ‘Why not?’
This was a big mistake because shortly after we got married she burst into the bathroom with a knife while I was in the shower and thrust the blade forward, attempting to cut off my throat. I was terrified and had no idea what was going on, but managed to dodge her weapon until she’d calmed down. She apologised, and it became clear that she had mental health issues. She agreed to go to the doctor, who prescribed her drugs. I’ve no idea what was actually wrong with her, but later found out she’d had a traumatic childhood. I think she had a lot of unresolved issues, which made her lash out from time to time.
Everything went back to normal after that, and I assumed the medication had got a grip on things. The next year of our marriage was completely incident-free, and I put the attack to the back of my mind. Then one day my wife dropped the bombshell that her sister had thrown her medication away because they were “Western poison”. She accused me of attempting to kill her and started throwing plates at me.
“I locked myself in the bedroom, barricaded the door and went to sleep.”
The next morning, I peeped out into the living room and saw that she was asleep. I tiptoed to the front door, trying my hardest not to wake her, but her eyes suddenly sprang open and she launched herself at me with a knife. A neighbour eventually called the police and the officers took her to a friend’s place to calm down, but she made her way back to the house and attacked me with an iron. She ran at me, bounced off my body and smashed through the coffee table, cutting herself. With blood squirting out of her, the police initially thought I’d assaulted her, making the assumption that I was the aggressor because I was a man. Fortunately, a female officer recognised the situation for what it was and said she thought I was a victim of Domestic Violence.
I managed to get my wife to take her medication again and everything was alright for a while, but then she stopped taking them because she didn’t like the side effects. The trouble immediately started back up again, with her constantly asking me if I was cheating. I was embarrassed to tell anybody what was going on because of the stigma surrounding being a male domestic-violence victim.
The last straw came when my wife launched an iron at me one day and it smashed through our chandelier. The police arrived at the house again and I decided that enough was enough. I moved out and never looked back.
Since moving into a new property I made contact with Protective Group to ensure my new house was safe and not easily accessible. Nic who attended my property was great, it was really comforting to be able to talk to a male who deals with Male Domestic Violence Victims on a daily basis. Nic made some safety recommendations which I followed through with, the process of changing locks and everything was smooth and the allocated a Project Manager who made sure everything was done in a timely manner.
Thanks so much Nic for spending the afternoon with me, I think just being able to talk and have your words of wisdom has given me so much more confidence to get on with my life.
Lucas is a true Male Domestic Violence Survivor Story.
If you are a male and concerned about your behaviour No to Violence works with men who use family violence, and the sector that supports them to change their abusive and violent behaviour.
* Names and details have been changed to protect the survivor’s identity.